Video of the Day | Elle Cordova’s ‘I Am the Very Model of a Modern Day Typographer’

Elle Cordova delivers another brilliant expression of intellectual humor, dressed in song. This one is to the tune of “A Modern Major General”, from Pirates of Penzance.

Gilbert and Sullivan never had it so good.

Naturally, SCIFI.radio has added this marvelous ditty to its regular broadcast library.

We are likely the only radio station on Earth to have done so. Something to ponder while you read the blurb following this posting.

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Lyrics by Elle Cordova, set to the tune of “Modern Major General” by Gilbert & Sullivan — with a tip of the hat to the great Tom Lehrer!
Music arranged by Toni Lindgren
Audio mixed and mastered by AJ Minnette
Special thanks to Monotype for supplying all these fonts

Lyrics:

There’s Avant Guard and Avenir and Aksendiz (Grotesk) and Arial
Benton, Bebas, Bembo, Bookman, Bauhaus, Bell Centennial
For glossy magazine displays, Bodoni is quite masterful
But for literature I do prefer its predecessor Baskerville

There’s Cooper Black, and Copperplate, Calibri, and there’s Cambria
Comfortable old Caslon, Cochin, Compacta, and Clarendon
For code I’m told you’d be well served by Courier or Consolas
If there’s a place for Comic Sans it’s surely not in legal documents

There’s DIN and DAX, Didot and Droid, and Dynamo and Droid Sans Pro
Electra, Eurostile, and Eras, Fira, Friar, Folio
Futura is a favorite and I’m always gonna root for her
But then for legibility you can’t go wrong with Frutiger

Franklin Gothic for the headlines, and Georgia for the body text
Gotham for the poster, and Gill Sans for corporate ad signage
Don’t forget Goudy Old Style and legendary Garamond
Still popular with publishers both British and American

Hoefler (Text), Intro, Impact, Janson, Knockout, Leida, Lucida
Minion, Middle Earth, and Nimbus, Noyland, Oval, Optima
Palatino, Pluto, and there’s Provan and new Proxima (Nova)
Papyrus is a virus and restraint is the inoculum

There’s Quarto, Rotis, Rockwell, and there’s Raleigh and then Romeo
Sabon and Swiss, and Syntax, also Souvenir and San Marco
Times New Roman, Univers, Verdana, Windings, Zapfino
And those are just a minuscule fraction of the fonts I know

Elle: Who even are you?

I am the very model of a modern day typographer
I know the type tonalities from elegant to jocular
I am a master tracker and my kerning is harmonical
I know the sacred swatches and can name the hues Pantonical

I can tell didone serif from the old style or transitional
I tap the finest foundries with subscription Monotypical
I know letterform anatomy and all the font apocrypha
I am the very model of modern day typographer

Chorus of fonts:
She is the very model of modern day typographer
She is the very model of a modern day typographer
She is the very model of a modern typographic connoisseur

Now there’s one last font I know you’re probably eagerly expecting and
To let it go unmentioned here would really be heretical
The font that launched a thousand knock off copycats and replicas
It’s Neue Hass Grotesk or better known as The . . . Helvetica

Elle: I think I’ll just use the default.