Earth becomes the focal point of a cosmic prophecy foretelling the end of days for anybody who speaks Latin who want to plug us into a power grid and use us as living batteries even though they have seen every episode of Firefly who tend to stutter under pressure when confronted by a crowd of people with pitchforks and torches but one cunning young man somehow convinces them that people are okay and they are turned into weird rocks that all look suspiciously like either Elvis or Madonna, but nobody can agree on which one it is.
