Earth becomes sentient and begins eating other planets who want to plug us into a power grid and use us as living batteries even though they can all do credible singing impressions of Ethel Merman who tend to stutter under pressure when confronted by the army, navy, air force, space force and/or marines but one cunning young man somehow convinces them that people are okay and they are turned into weird rocks that all look suspiciously like either Elvis or Madonna, but nobody can agree on which one it is.
