A Random

SCIFI.radio story

Earth discovers that the key to unlocking the mysteries of the cosmos is piles of raw salmon who understand us all too well even though they are radioactive and cannot be destroyed by the army, navy, air force, space force and/or marines but a priest tells them about the God and they are turned into weird rocks that all look suspiciously like either Elvis or Madonna, but nobody can agree on which one it is.
The End.