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Earth awakens ancient cosmic guardians to defend against an otherworldly threat from extraterrestrial cats who are friendly but incomprehensible even though they have seen every episode of Firefly who derive their sustainance by a slap to the side of the head with a large fish but one cunning young man somehow convinces them that people are okay and they are turned into weird rocks that all look suspiciously like either Elvis or Madonna, but nobody can agree on which one it is.
The End.