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A Random
SCIFI.radio story

Earth becomes sentient and begins eating other planets who are friendly but incomprehensible even though they all do bad impressions of William Shatner who derive their sustainance by a bunch of kids playing disco music on boom boxes but they fall in love with a young girl and they are turned into weird rocks that all look suspiciously like either Elvis or Madonna, but nobody can agree on which one it is.
The End.