A Random

SCIFI.radio story

Earth gains the ability to communicate with celestial bodies who are friendly but incomprehensible even though they are only slightly radioactive and might be overpowered by the army, navy, air force, space force and/or marines but a priest tells them about the God and they are turned into weird rocks that all look suspiciously like either Elvis or Madonna, but nobody can agree on which one it is.
The End.