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Earth becomes the subject of a cosmic reality TV show for ferrets who are friendly but incomprehensible even though they have seen every episode of Firefly who tend to stutter under pressure when confronted by a bunch of kids playing disco music on boom boxes but one cunning young man somehow convinces them that people are okay and they are turned into weird rocks that all look suspiciously like either Elvis or Madonna, but nobody can agree on which one it is.
The End.